


Before it ends us

by WickedEvilRegal



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 18:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10973100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedEvilRegal/pseuds/WickedEvilRegal
Summary: We must end this, before it ends us.Emma and Regina had been keeping a secret for years now, lying to everyone and even to themselves, but it comes a time when late night encounters and furtive looks across the room are no longer enough.





	Before it ends us

**Author's Note:**

> So Emma and Regina are having an affair since always, and Emma is with Hook because she is too afraid of coming out. This has been my head canon for a while now and no one can convince me it's not true.  
> Also, I notice I have a tendency here to repeat myself for emphasis and it’s really annoying, but I just can’t help it, so I apologize and hopefully it won’t bother you as much as it bothers me.  
> English is not my first language so please forgive any mistakes.

“This has to stop, Swan.”

Regina’s voice sounded loud in the too quiet room, making Emma stop dead on her tracks. They had always known this day would come, but they had never said anything out loud before, had always tried to make the best of the limited time they had together. They had delayed the unavoidable for far too long now.

Emma was getting married in a week, and everything was going to change, no matter how much they tried to pretend it wouldn’t, it already had. Their relationship had changed when Emma decided to go to hell for him, and Regina simply had to go along because there was no way she was ever leaving Emma in danger.

She had tried to understand it; in some twisted way Emma needed Hook, needed what he represented. Emma needed her parents’ approval, because, deep down, she was still a little girl seeking for love and couldn’t stand the idea of disappointing her parents. If Hook was gone, so was the family her parents wanted her to have and so was her chance to be who they wanted her to be.

To hell she went, both literally and metaphorically. Saved Hook; saved their play pretend and kept up the pretense… but lost Regina on the way.

Not altogether of course, but a small part of Regina’s already beaten up heart suffered too much to ever be hers again, and Emma knew it.

When Emma asked Hook to move in, all Regina could do was laugh. She laughed because of course Emma would ask him and of course he would say yes and of course Snow would be just so happy that apparently Regina’s pain was nothing but a necessary evil. And she laughed some more until tears were rolling down her eyes and sobs were taking over her whole body and suddenly she wasn’t laughing anymore.

Emma explained, over and over again, and Regina understood. She understood it was necessary; it had to be done in order to continue with their little show, to make sure her parents were satisfied, to make sure Hook didn’t had a reason to leave, to make sure no one ever found out about her true feelings. But just because she understood, it didn’t mean it hurt less.

Piece by piece, their relationship was dying and there wasn’t a thing they could do to save themselves.

Now Emma was getting married, to that disgusting pirate who treated her like garbage and only shoved her deeper inside her shell. And Regina refused to let this torture continue.

“I mean it, this was the last time.”

Regina was seated on the bed, hugging her knees, staring at the wall in front of her in an attempt to hold back the tears. Her hair was messy from the sex they had for the past few hours, her lips still swollen and body covered only by the silk blanket. She was a vision from heaven, but the sadness in her eyes kept Emma from noticing anything else.

Emma, who already had a hand on the door handle, about to leave and go back to her pathetic excused of a life, forced herself to turn around to fully face the brunette, and tried to swallow down the lump in her throat. When she spoke, her voice wasn’t more than a painful whisper.

“Regina, please…”

The brunette turned her head towards Emma, looking sharply into those green eyes. The anger almost hiding the pain she felt, almost.

“No, Emma.”

Her voice was rasher than she intended and she found that it fitted rather well with her emotions. She wanted to make this as painless as possible for both of them, but knew it was a foolish wish. She was trying to be the understanding and loving friend she knew Emma deserved, but the anger she felt at this ridiculous situation was all too consuming.

“There is no pleading, there is no wishing, and there is no working around this. We have to stop. We should never have even started.”

That hit Emma like a punch on the stomach, forcing the air out of her body. She stayed quiet for a few seconds, trying to control her emotions, but when she opened her mouth her voice came out even weaker than before.

“You… You regret it?”

Regina closed her eyes, fighting the impulse to hurt the blonde just as much as she was hurting. She shook her head and answered truthfully, whispering into the quietness of the room, half hopping the blonde wouldn’t hear.

“Never.”

When Regina finally looked back at her, she had tears in her eyes.

“Being with you makes me happy, Emma. The problem is... No matter how happy I’m when you are around, it doesn’t make up for how miserable I am when you leave.”

It was truth, Emma couldn’t deny it. She felt utterly destroyed every time she had to leave the brunettes arms. They made each other glow with happiness for the few hours they spent together, just to be completely desolated when they were ripped apart. She understood what Regina was saying, and even agreed with her, she just wasn’t ready to give up yet.

“So you just want to be miserable all the time.”

“I WANT TO MOVE ON.”

The scream seemed to echo through the house. Even when the sound had clearly dissipated, it kept repeating itself inside of Emma’s head. The tension in the room was palpable.

Regina took several deep breaths in order to regain control over her emotions. A few tears had rolled down her cheeks, but she quickly dried them with the outside of her hand. She tried to stay calm, she needed Emma to understand her, to agree with her and not see her as the bad guy. The last thing she wanted was more bad blood between them.

“We both need to move on, Emma. This has to end or it has to become more, and we both know it won’t. We are only hurting each other.”

 _No,_ Emma though, _I’m hurting you._

And she knew it was truth, she had made a mess of their lives and Regina was just trying to prevent more pain. The brunette had reassured her, time and time again, that she was willing to fight for them; she would face whatever was thrown in their way. No matter how terrifying it could be, Regina was brave enough, but she couldn’t be brave for the both of them.

Emma was holding her back, keeping her in this illusion of happiness that only served to kill them slowly. Regina was in pain and Emma was providing momentary relief, preventing her from finding real cure. She was like a rotten teeth Regina needed to get rid of. It would hurt, a lot, but it had to be done in order to make it all better.

She was just too damn selfish to accept she needed to stay away.

“I don’t want us to end.”

And she couldn’t care less about how pathetic she sounded.

“It doesn’t have to, but I can’t go on like this, I just can’t.”

And Emma never hated herself more than when she looked into those beautiful brown eyes and saw the pain she inflicted upon the love of her life, knowing exactly what could make it all go away, but not being strong enough to do it.

“I know what you’re asking me to do, and you know I can’t.”

Regina nodded her head in understanding and let a depressing laugh escape her body, because she just had to fall helplessly in love with a girl who would never be brave enough to have her.

“Exactly, you can’t be with me in my terms, and I can’t be with you in yours. So we simply won’t be.”

Regina understood Emma’s fears, even shared some of them, but she couldn’t stop her anger every time Emma denied them a future.

“This is our last chance, if your marriage doesn’t stop us, I don’t know what will. And something has to; we can’t keep doing this forever. I can’t do this forever.”

And oh how she wished she could. That she could live without the piece of her heart Emma took away every time she left. That she could ignore the pain she felt when Emma came to her late at night smelling like rum. That she could stop the bile rising up her throat whenever she was forced to watch the love of her life being held by a dirty pirate.

But she couldn’t. And she was in pain, agonizing pain worse than she had ever felt. She just wanted it to stop, to be over, but Emma kept insisting, kept prolonging it. She needed to put an end to this, and she needed to do it now.

She gathered all the anger she felt, it wasn’t difficult; she still had a lot of anger. She was angry with Emma, with the Charmings, with that freaking pirate and with the entire universe that just had to make sure she never got her happy ending.

Mostly she was angry with herself, for letting herself believe that she and Emma could ever be something more. She had let herself hope again and now all she was left with was a broken heart and too many conflicting feelings.

Taking one last deep breath, she looked Emma dead in the eye and spoke, her voice loud and clear.

“I deserve more than just a quick fuck a few days of the week, and if you can’t give me that then I don’t want you at all.”

Emma said nothing as she opened the door and left.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it, and please review if you can :)


End file.
